He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I got inside last night via doggy door
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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