i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Randomize
