I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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