I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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