Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
