I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
