I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
