im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
