??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
