Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
