So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
What drink are we having for lunch?
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
