who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
