what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
