I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
