You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Randomize
