dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I have aggressive nipples.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Randomize
