Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
