I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
