He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
