Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
