is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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