dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
