My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
