ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
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I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
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He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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