sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Randomize
