I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
