Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
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