I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
