There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
