you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
