When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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