Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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