woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
