Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
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