It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
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