i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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