you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
