Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
