I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
