"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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