i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
