I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
you had me at cake vodka
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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