put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Randomize
