I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
