That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
