I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
