Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
