Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
