this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
