pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
