imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I'm sobbing to NWA
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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