I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
