im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
