I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Randomize