just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
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