Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Rumble strips road head = magical
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
