Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
