This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
