I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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