well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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